Spells R Us: I Thee Wed, Instead
Tomorrow, twenty-two year old Greg Hutchins will be the best man in the wedding between his best friend Rich and Rich’s fiancé, Samantha. Problem is, Greg always secretly felt that Samantha should’ve been his girl. Like Greg, Samantha was down to earth, intelligent and kind from a wonderfully wholesome family. Rich, on the other hand, was a bit of a misogynist, a jerk and secretly a cheater who frequented his fair share of strip clubs. But Samantha and Rich shared one thing in common, exceptionally good looks. Greg, a plain looking nice guy never really stood a chance.
That ship, as it seemed, had sailed.
Denial and dejection fueled his procrastination, as Greg had put off buying them a wedding gift until… well, the night before the wedding. When he finally did push himself to make it to the mall, it was a bit too close to closing time and many of the stores he had hoped to visit were just locking their doors. Bummer.
Then, as if it was meant to be, down a side hall Greg saw open doors framed by a glimmering sign: “Spells R’ Us” it read.
Without hesitation, he darted into the store. In standard Spells R’ Us fashion, his desperate searching was met with clear direction from the beautiful owner of the establishment. She seemed to know exactly what he needed. It was not what he thought he wanted or what he thought they wanted. No. This woman seemed to see deep into his soul and described the object of his desire. With that, she handed him a sparkly pink champagne flute complete with dangling streamers and the word “Sami Stacks” written on its base in sparkling letters.
Greg was underwhelmed and a bit confused. However, the beautiful woman’s confident insistence that the magic would absolutely work melted away his doubt. She assured him that if his love for Samantha was true, this gift was something that could strip his friend Rich of Samantha’s love. The woman assured Greg that One sip from this and Samantha will be loving you before the night is through. All that Greg had to do was get her to drink from it while he danced with her during the reception and their world would rearrange itself and it would be their love on stage instead.
The next day, Greg could hardly focus as the final preparations for the wedding unfolded. Rich could see his best friend was beside himself, but was too busy to question it. Even through the ceremony, Greg seemed to be completely distracted, nearly dropping the ring when the priest asked for it. As Rich slipped the ring on her finger, Greg could only stare at Samantha with a sense of longing and a fleeting hope. If Greg ever wanted to win her love, this silly magical champagne flute was his last and only hope now.
When the reception began, Greg found himself sweating through his suit. Through the mother-son, father-daughter dances and speeches, he waited anxiously for his moment.
Then came the time for the best man and maid of honor’s speeches. That was his chance. Samantha’s sister, Melanie, the maid of honor, opted to go first, delivering a heartfelt speech about her sister that brought the room to tears. Greg, on the other hand, was never much of a public speaker. To top it off, he marched up behind the bride and groom with that gaudy pink champagne flute. Between that and his speech, his whole delivery fell flat. So when Greg suggested a dance with the bride and groom, it was a welcome transition to something else.
With that, the DJ put on a slow song and Greg reached out to Samantha while Melanie took Rich by the hand. With the pink champagne flute still in-hand, Greg insisted that Samantha take a drink. She was very skeptical. The glass looked ridiculous. But Greg insisted it was something he and Rich had placed a bet on and it would really make his night if she would. Thinking him a bit goofy and being the kind hearted soul she was, Samantha agreed and took a quick sip as they danced. She raised the glass to Rich and winked, pointing at it as if to say ‘you lose’. Rich’s confused shrug brought on a bit of a confused look herself. She turned to look at Greg when suddenly the first of the night’s many oddities began.
Samantha’s eyes went wide as she noticed the first of many changes to come. The venue lighting had shifted from that of a high-end wedding reception to the dim pink light of a seedy club. The first to change were the female servers. Their clothes shifting from black suits and ties to the short skimpy outfits you might expect waitresses at a strip club to wear. Then their bodies reshaped and reformed. Their breasts and butts ballooned to sizes Samantha had only seen in the most depraved of porn stars. She was shocked. She looked briefly to Greg and then to Rich. Rich’s eyes were wide in awe and a weird sense of lust that seemed out of place, even for Rich.
Then came the next change. The DJ changed, his suit slipping up into a tank top revealing sleeves of tattoos. His music tastes quickly shifted to something with a heavier, suggestive beat. As the music changed, the dance floor rose up, turning into two spiraling platforms with poles at each end. On one side, Samantha and Greg continued dancing. On the other, Rich and Melanie were the couple of the hour.
Greg could sense that Samantha wanted to break away and stop their dance. In fact, Samantha tried to do just that, but something seemed to keep them locked together. She shouted at Greg to let her go but was suddenly interrupted.
Samantha heard her Uncle Earl shout “Shaddup and take it off already!” from a table in the back. She looked back to see her once very respectable and well mannered Uncle now looked like the type of seedy old man smoking a cigar and holding a dirty glass of rum. Beside him was a much younger and far bustier version of her Aunt Stella who couldn’t keep her hands off of Earl. The rest of their table seemingly suffered the same fate. Then Samantha got a weird feeling. Her memories of Earl and Stella started to fade. Her confusion deepened as her mind started to cloud.
From afar, she heard her father, John shout “Hey you, don’t you talk to my daughter that way!” Samantha looked over at him and smiled. She was happy that he was taking on this rowdy guest for her. Then suddenly she saw a similar change overtake her parents. Her usually fit and humble father expanded. Fat and flesh filling his shirt as his black tux transformed into a red velvet suit. His girth grew rapidly as his expression shifted from one of a prim and proper man to that of a seedy club owner. The “Congratulations” sign at the entrance changed to a neon sign that read “Johnny’s Live Lovin'” and below that “Honeymoon Night”. She watched as her mom aged down from 55 to 38, her curves expanding into her ever more revealing clothes. Her previously reserved posture shifted into a straight out aggressive straddling and caressing of Johnny. Before Samantha could speak, the woman who had once been her mother shouted out “But seriously, girls. The customer’s always right. Let’s get this show started!”
Samantha turned her head to Greg, tears in her eyes. “You did this somehow, didn’t you?!” Deeply confused himself, Greg couldn’t hide his guilt. “I-I’m sorry. I-I just wanted you to love me instead of Rich. H-he doesn’t deserve you. He’s a misogynist and a cheater”. She glared at Greg with disbelief and disgust. Before she had a chance to respond, she heard her sister cry out.
“Samantha!! What’s happening to us?!”
Samantha turned to her equally horrified sister and her now completely confused husband. As she shared a horrified look between her sister and her husband, a chair magically slid out from backstage, catching Rich under his knees and causing him to buckle into the seat. Samantha could only watch on in fear as she had a feeling of what would come next. She turned back to Greg and shouted at him to stop it. Greg just shook his head with shame and denial. There was nothing he could do.
The two watched as Samantha’s sister, Melanie changed. Her bridesmaid dress rapidly receded and reshaped into the stripper’s costume it inspired. It seemed as if Melanie’s mind and body were not in sync. She was horrified as she began to give her sister’s new husband Rich a lap dance. Rich turned to Samantha one last time and shouted “I’m sorry! I can’t move!” then Melanie turned his head back toward her. That was the last time Rich and his bride would lock eyes. The crowd went wild, as Samantha’s once innocent sister grinded into her husband. With each beat in the music, Samantha’s diminutive sister’s breasts grew bigger and bigger, her makeup became sluttier and sluttier, and her expression gradually changed from one of horror to one of sultry seduction. Halfway through the song, neither of the two even gave Samantha a second glance, as Samantha’s sister began to strip and they moved from teasing to what Greg and Samantha could only assume was the ‘live lovin’ portion of the performance. Rich and Melanie Melons, one of Johnny’s top girls, were making love on stage.
Samantha looked on at Greg in absolute horror. “How could you? On my wedding night?” was all that she could manage as the DJ called on Sami Stacks to get on with her own show. Samantha looked out to the crowd for a familiar or friendly face of one of her loving and good family members, but all she saw were the lecherous jeering and cheering faces of Johnny’s seedy staff and regulars. But a sudden feeling washed over her. A feeling of familiarity. Her horror started to fade into confusion as she started to remember how she knew these people. Each and every one of these people. She looked back at Greg, knowing that this familiarity she was feeling was absolutely unfair and wrong and knowing that Greg, the Best Man in her wedding, was the only one left who knew it.
Then the chair slid out from backstage, hitting Greg in the back of his knees and causing him to buckle into the seat. As she looked down at Greg in that seat, his clothes transforming from his black tux to the t-shirt and jeans of a young guy looking for a good time, Samantha felt as if she was coming up over the top of a steep steep roller coaster. Her expression still showed the horror she felt, but her body didn’t wait for her mind to catch on. Nope. Her body took over. Her beautiful wedding gown rapidly receded, becoming a little white lace one piece that seemed too slack for her petite frame. Then she felt it. A cool sensation entered her breasts, hips and ass. With every beat of the song, her tits, hips and ass felt heavier, the jiggle and wobble felt so intoxicating. Soon it was all that she could think about. Her worries jiggled out. Her intelligence wobbled away. Only one thing seemed to cut through the growing fog of seduction she felt. Johnny’s bellowing voice. “Get with that live lovin’, girl! It’s your honeymoon!” She could feel the jiggle of his huge belly as her monstrously sized boss laughed at his own joke, backed up by the bellowing laughter of the large audience in attendance. Sami blushed, and all she could muster back was a high pitched sexy squeal of “You got it, Johnny!”
Sami loved this part.
Greg could only watch as his best friend’s former wife, the sweet innocent girl that he had secretly loved for years, unzipped his pants and impaled herself on him, grinding her now massive tits into his face as she went to town with the skill and vigor of a woman who had done this every Saturday night for the last 3 years. Somehow this wasn’t what he had expected when the store owner told him she’d be loving him before the night was through. As she expertly worked the man in front of her, Samantha’s now vapid eyes locked with Greg’s. Sweating, she bit her lower lip and winked, saying “Is this what you wished for, big boy?” With that, Greg’s mind made the last change of the night. His trip to Johnny’s was exactly what his strip-club loving misogynistic friend Rich had said it would be… and Greg found himself loving it. This big-tittied ho on top of him was worth every red cent Johnny charged. He looked over to his buddy who was still riding his own massive-tittied bitch and gave him a huge thumbs up.
Afterward, Greg and Rich headed to their car. Rich turned to Greg, seeing Sami Stacks champagne flute in his hand “Dude, you took her glass? Don’t tell me you’re in love with a stripper!”
Greg looked down at the glass, smirked and tossed it back over his shoulder, shattering it on the pavement. “You kidding me? But their massive tits were nice.” Greg paused for a moment to look back at the glass if remembering something. “Hold on… just remembering…” Greg rubbed his chin, studying the champagne glass. “Next weekend, remind me we gotta hit up Stars Champagne Room. The girls there have tits double that size and once you’re in the Champagne Room, they’ll do anything.””
Rich smiled at his best friend, “Man, you are such a dog! I’M SO IN!”